To start, my grandmother died.

Yes, people die every day, but my grandmother was an inspiration and she's helped me get to where I am in life. This goes the same for even when she was aging and ill, as a young adult who didn't need a grandmother's reassurance. It's kind of hard to explain, but as she grew more ill, I kind of went back further in my head. Now, I seem to be stuck there.

The main problem here is that while I've been getting ideas to write, and I keep writing them. They are not the ideas that people reading what I've written so far would expect me to write on. They are bad, dirty ideas, and they're an utter regression.

Fanfiction, I used to tell myself, was good practice, because I could work with familiar characters and develop on their personalities, and I didn't have to go through the logistics of an unfamiliar world. However, I've fallen back into it out of a few weeks of manga reading, simply because I keep getting ideas and I think they're good and then I have to get them out.

I wish I could get inspiration like this for my original stories! I don't think I've ever choked out more than 80 pages in two weeks... except for The Magician's Gambit, which I wrote in it's entirety in four days (and still haven't posted entirely.)

There's something wrong in my head, I guess. I just wish that my head wasn't such a nice place to be sometimes.